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My First Public Speaking
Public Speaking – It’s just two words, but it makes many people feel frightened. Even I did. I felt embarrassed to stand in front of my schoolmates/colleagues.
Usually, I am present in college during working days, but if it’s seminar days, you can’t find me – I will be absent. But whatever you try to avoid in life, one day you’ll face it, right? That was what happened in my interview. Fear! Fear!!
But how could we compare an interview with public speaking? Why not? If the interview panel has multiple people, and they ask you questions you may or may not know the answers – but at least in public speaking, you will speak about what you know.
I still have that fear. So, I decided not to run away but FACE THE ISSUE. A few good people supported me in overcoming this situation. First, my professor Muthu Sir, who advised me to join open-source communities, specifically ILUGC and KanchiILUGC. He said, “Just join, they will take care of you if you follow them.” I joined, and under Mr. Shrini’s guidance, I started doing simple projects. In between, he asked me to give a presentation at an ILUGC meet.
I said OK immediately (I already wanted to overcome my fear). I felt I accepted in a rush, and suddenly had mixed feelings like run away 
But he was so fast – I received an email to give my name, and the formalities proceeded. The real race started in my heart.
My inner thoughts: “What, Sugi? What are you going to do? The subject is fine, but can you speak in front of people?”
I said to myself, It’s OK, whatever, I have to do. Then, Muthu Sir, Ms.Jothy, friends, classmates, my family and all others encouraged me.
I still remember what Muthu Sir said: “What’s the worst that can happen? One, you can do well. If so, you’ll feel good and confident. Two, you may not do well, but that will push you to do better next time. Both outcomes will yield good and positive results, so just go for it.”
Then I practiced alone and felt OK. I had some paper notes in my hand, but when the laptop screen turned on, my heart rate went up, and my hands started shaking. When people asked me to start, I said, “I am Sugirtha,” and then forgot everything.
Thank God I at least remembered my name! Fine, let’s see the paper – What is this? I couldn’t read it, nothing was going inside my brain. It felt like Latin, which I don’t understand. I threw the paper aside, started recollecting, and said, “HTML stands for HyperText Markup Language.” Inside, I thought, Oh my God, this is not my first line to say, I thought I would start differently. For about 5 to 10 minutes, I fumbled with the points but didn’t deliver them as I expected. But when I started working on the code, I felt OK, as I got immersed in it.
Finally, it was over. There was still some tension, and after some time, I thought, I don’t know if my presentation was good or not, but at least I finished it. Then, after a while, I thought, Oh God, you did it, Sugi! Finally, you did something.
Now, I wonder if I get another chance, could I do it again? Back then, I somehow managed, but now… the fear returns. But this not the same as before which I feel I can overcome easily. So to overcome this I have to do more and more. I don’t want to prove anything to anyone, but I just want to prove something to myself. For my own satisfaction, I want to do more. I feel I will do better.
If I can, why can’t you?
